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The Whoriest Whore in all of Whoredom

Яegisteяed: 03-2006
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Timelord Vs. Trekkie: The Series (UPDATE 3/26/08)


Timelord Vs. Trekkie: The Series

Episode I- Quantum Leap: How It Should Have Gone Down



Scene: Shadow's Garage

Characters: Shadow, Leah, Susan and Jay

[Are heroes arrive at Shadow's home, still laughing at Red's humiliation. Shadow, Leah and Susan are slightly buzzed, while Jay is drunk out of his mind]

Jay: Did yous see the look on hiss face?

Susan: For the forty-second time-

Leah: Let's just go inside; it's cold.

Shadow: I have a better idea. Come into the garage and see walk I've been working on.

[They all pile into the garage to see a massive machine.]

Susan: Is that what I think it is?

Shadow: I don't know, what do you think it is?

Susan: A model of the Quantum Leap Accelerator?

Shadow: A life-sized model of the Quantum Leap Accelerator?

Leah: You're telling me that, on minimum wage, you can build a pretty damned good model of the Quantum Leap Accelerator, but you couldn't build me a model of the Enterprise's bridge?

[Shadow has the sense to look sheepish, but before he can answer Jay, still drunk as a skunk, starts buttons and runs inside the Accelerator.]

Jay: Hey, look at me! I'm-

Susan: Sandra Dee?

Jay: No, silly. Sam Beckett!

[There is a flashing blue light, before he disappears

Leah and Susan look at Shadow, who just shrugs.]

Shadow: Well, that was unexpected, but damned if it wasn't cool!

Susan: Are. You. Insane?!

[Leah gives Susan an incredulous glance before turning on Shadow]

Leah: How did that happen?

Shadow: No idea, but I'm patenting it!

Leah: What aboot Jay?
Susan: Yeah, how are we going to get him back?

Shadow: Guys, guys, guys! You're missing the big picture. I just accidentally invented time travel. This calls for a celebration!

Leah: Shadow, if don't stop congratulating yourself, I will personally sent you back after him.

Shadow: Alright already! Just let me go over to the imaging chamber, and I'll find out when he is.

Susan: Ooh, you built the imaging chamber too?

Leah: There's a time and place...

Shadow: Of course I built the imaging chamber! What kind of a nerd do you think I am?

[Shadow pretends to be indignant]

Leah: Hey, maybe that can help us. Did you build Ziggy.

Shadow: Yes. Well...never mind.

Leah: What. Is it?

Shadow: Well, remember I don't no idea this thing would actually work. I just thought I'd show it off at the next Quantum Leap convention and then auction it off. So, I didn't think to upload the internet onto Ziggy.

Leah: Are you telling me that we have a hybrid super computer, that has no database.

Shadow: ...Not exactly.

Leah: We do have a database? What is it?

Shadow: You're not gonna like it...

Leah: Just tell us!

Shadow: Wikipedia and the Onion archives....

[All Pause]

Susan: Jay, whenever you are, you're fucked. Seriously, !@#$ fucked.

Leah: Just go to the imaging chamber. We'll work on Ziggy.

[Shadow grabs a weird multicolored hand link and enters the imaging chamber. Inside, he finds himself in a 50s air force test plane. The leap has apparently done nothing to sober Jay, as he is singing. Off key.]

Jay: There's a yellow rose in Texas that I am gonna see. Nobody else could miss her not half as much as me. She cried so when I left her it like to broke my heart. And if I ever find her, we'll never fall apart.

Shadow: If you don't stop sining, Jay, the only yellow rose you'll be seeing will be the one I'll shove up you after burner.

Jay: Hey, buddy! Can you believe it? I leaped! I actually-

Shadow: Yeah, yeah, I know. Who are you?

Jay: What're talking aboot? It's me, Jay. You're best friend.

Shadow: I mean, who did you leap into?

Jay: Oh, well, everyone is calling me Tom Stratton.

Shadow: Right. Be right be back.

[Shadow steps out of the imaging chamber.]

Shadow: He says he's Tom Stratton.

Susan: Looking it up right now. Tom Stratton. Tom Stratton. Tom- here we go! Says here that he was an air force test pilot.

Shadow: Yeah, tell me something I don't know.

Susan: Well, according to Wikipedia, he was killed by a “troop of monkeys while taking a dump.”

[Shadow pauses]

Shadow: I highly doubt that.

Susan: Well, that's what it says!

[Meanwhile, Leah is using Shadow's laptop to look up Tom Stratton]

Leah: Says here he was killed trying to break Mach 3.

Shadow: Better. When did he die?

Leah: September 13, 1956.

Shadow: There goes the idea of only being able to leap within your own life time. Be right back.

[Shadow reenters the imaging chamber]

Shadow: Hey, Jay? What's today's date? In the time that your in I mean?

Jay: September 13.

Shadow: ...And the year?

Jay: '56.

Shadow: Son of- I'll be right back. Don't do anything!

[Shadow exits the imaging chamber]

Shadow: Do either of you know how to fly a '56 air force test plane?

Leah & Susan: No.

Shadow: Well, you better learn quickly, or we're gonna have a crispy Jay on our hands.

Susan: Give me a moment. Leah, what plane did Stratton fly when he died?

Leah: The X-2. Let me look it up. You download some kind internet program onto Ziggy.

[Both type madly]

Leah: Got it. Are you ready?

Shadow: Just a second.

[Shadow enters the imaging chamber]

Shadow: Jay? I'm aboot to give you a set of instructions. I need you to follow them exactly. Got it?

Jay: Whadever you say, Pard.

[Shadow rolls his eyes and exits the imaging chamber]

Shadow: Ok, Leah, shoot.

Leah: Light off One and Two.

[Shadow enters the imaging chamber]

Shadow: Light off One and two.
[Jay light off One and Two.

Shadow exits the imaging chamber]

Leah: Pull the lever back.

[Shadow enters the imaging chamber]

Shadow: Pull the lever back.

[Jay pulls the lever back.

Shadow exits the imaging chamber]

Leah: Tell him to say “coming up on Mach one.”

[Shadow enters the imaging chamber]

Shadow: Say “coming up on Mach one.”

Jay: Coming up on Mach one.

[Shadow exits the imaging chamber]

Leah: “Mach 1.3. 50,000. Nosing over.”

[Shadow enters the imaging chamber]

Shadow: “Mach 1.3. 50,000. Nosing over.”

Jay: Mach 1.3. 50,00. Nosing over.

[Shadow exits the imaging chamber]

Leah: Ease up on the lever.

[Shadow enters the imaging chamber]

Shadow: Ease up on the lever.

[Jay eases up on the lever.

Shadow exits the imaging chamber]

Leah: “Mach 1.7. 56,000.”

[Shadow enters the imaging chamber]

Shadow: “Mach 1.7. 56,000.”
Jay: Mach 1.7. 56,000.

[Shadow exits the imaging chamber]

Leah: “Mach 2. 68, 69.”

[Shadow enters the imaging chamber]

Shadow: “Mach 2. 68, 69.”

Jay: Mach 2. 68, 69.

[Shadow exits the imaging chamber]

Leah: “Level at 70,000. Mach 2.4. On a profile.”

[Shadow enters the imaging chamber]

Shadow: “Level at 70,000. Mach 2.4. On a profile.”

Jay: Level at 70,000. Mach 2.4. On a profile.

[Shadow exits the imaging chamber]

Shadow: What now?

[Leah shrugs.]

Leah: Punch 3 and go for it.

[Shadow enters the imaging chamber]

Shadow: Punch 3 and go for it.

[Jay punches 3]

Jay: Mach 2.4, 2.5. Outside skin temperature: 685.

Jay: Mach 2.7 Skin temperature: 750.

Shadow: Ride her, cowboy.

Shadow: Mach 2.8

[The planes fuel is bubbling]

Jay: Do you hear that?

Shadow: Mach 2.9. Yes. It's boiling! Shut it down!
[Jay attempts to slow down

Jay breaks Mach 3]

Shadow: Eject! Punch out.

[Just as Jay ejects, he leaps

Shadow exits the imaging chamber.]

Susan: Well?

Shadow: He leaped.

[Everyone starts breathing again.]

Leah: What now?

Susan: We wait.

Shadow: I'll go check on him.

[Shadow enters the imaging chamber to find a very different scene: a baseball field. He walks over to Jay.]

Jay: Willy Fox. Summer of '86. What do I have to do.

Shadow: Not strike out.

Jay: How do you know?

Shadow: I followed this guy's career.

[Jay steps up to the plate. It's the bottom of the ninth. 2 men out and 3 men on. He swings.]

Umpire: Strike one!

[Jay swings.]

Umpire: Strike two!

[Jay swings.]

Umpire: Strike three!

[The catcher fumbles the ball and Jay starts running. He gets to first base. Then second. Then third. Then he slides into home just before the catcher tags him with ball.]

Umpire: Out!
Jay: WHAT?!

[Jay picks up the bat, beats the umpire to death, and leaps.

Shadow smiles.]

Shadow: This is going to be fun!

Last fondled by VfortheShadow, 3/26/2008, 12:13 am


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12/5/2007, 7:00 pm Link to this post Use VfortheShadow's Litterbox
 
starrytrekchic Profile
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Bunny Lover

Яegisteяed: 01-2006
Location: Shadow's Hat
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*is largely baffled by this account, and mostly insulted that I still don't have a replica of the
Enterprise*

---
*leaves breadcrumbs*
12/5/2007, 7:24 pm Link to this post Use starrytrekchic's Litterbox
 
VfortheShadow Profile
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The Whoriest Whore in all of Whoredom

Яegisteяed: 03-2006
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Couldn't find shiny enough pieces for the Enterprise.

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12/5/2007, 7:33 pm Link to this post Use VfortheShadow's Litterbox
 
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Bunny Lover

Яegisteяed: 01-2006
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*donates half of my shiny things*

---
*leaves breadcrumbs*
12/5/2007, 7:45 pm Link to this post Use starrytrekchic's Litterbox
 
VfortheShadow Profile
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The Whoriest Whore in all of Whoredom

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emoticon

*Starts Drawing Up Plans*

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12/5/2007, 8:15 pm Link to this post Use VfortheShadow's Litterbox
 
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Bunny Lover

Яegisteяed: 01-2006
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*beams hardcore*

I like the script, btw.

---
*leaves breadcrumbs*
12/5/2007, 8:36 pm Link to this post Use starrytrekchic's Litterbox
 
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The Whoriest Whore in all of Whoredom

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Thanks.

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12/5/2007, 8:41 pm Link to this post Use VfortheShadow's Litterbox
 
reddevil18 Profile
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Lord of the Zombliens' Toilet Cleaner

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Re: …


*Daedalus drops out of hyperspace*
*kills everyone*
R.I.P. Trekkies and Time thingies.


BTW Shadow, is the episode "The Last Of The Time Lords"(or something like that) good? It was nominated for best VFX at the VES awards.

Last fondled by reddevil18, 1/7/2008, 9:20 pm


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1/7/2008, 9:20 pm Link to this post Use reddevil18's Litterbox
 
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The Whoriest Whore in all of Whoredom

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I thought it was really good!

BTW, I mentioned you in the last TVT script.


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1/10/2008, 9:29 pm Link to this post Use VfortheShadow's Litterbox
 
reddevil18 Profile
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Lord of the Zombliens' Toilet Cleaner

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Re: …


You DID? Where?

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1/10/2008, 9:32 pm Link to this post Use reddevil18's Litterbox
 


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